Until now, as we're proud to present you today for the first time ever you'll glance what this could be...
[The following cards are not Tournament Legal, and may cause a sordid pain if you try to place them in a deck, but for historical reasons we are presenting them to you, so use them at your own risk]
This product is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. For recreational use only. If condition persists, consult your physician. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Reading this constitutes acceptance of agreement. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Colors may, in time, fade. No manatees, small fur-bearing animals or trees were harmed in the production of this site. Only organically-grown electrons were used. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. The material on this page may be offensive and frightening to small children, the faint of heart, overly religious individuals, uptight individuals, democrats, Haitians, Mormons, Lesbians, Animal lovers, the socially retarded, carnival workers and adult film stars, please use caution when operating. Studies have shown viewing this page causes cancer in laboratory rats. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball! Do not try this at home. Do not write below this line. "This is for entertainment purposes ONLY!" Any advice given should be taken with a MAJOR grain of salt. I am not responsible for anything that may happen from using this problem generating system. I am not a professional, I have no training, I'm not even particularly good at handling my own crap. So this is really just a joke. Don't believe everything that you read. Please keep your hands in the car at all times. Do not tap on glass. Do not eat anything that has been on the floor for more than 10 seconds. Power tools are not an effective cure for headaches. This is an actual emergency, and this broadcast will be followed by official information and instructions. Keep your hands to yourself. Do not point. Please do not feed the animals. High Voltage, keep out! Contents under pressure, may explode. Not to be taken internally. Wait at least 1/2 hour after reading this. Penalty for private use, NOT! See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. No purchase necessary. Please do not sue me.